tired

If I am honest with myself and God … which I hope I am … I would admit my tiredness. It’s not exactly a physical thing as much as it is emotional, mental, and unquestionably spiritual.

My goal with this study excursion was to read one book every two days (along with journal entries from Blackaby, McManus and Dr. Luke from Acts). I had five books I wanted to absorb into my soul and psyche. Today, however, I barely dragged my weary behind out on the beach for an early morning run. And then I didn’t… run. I could only walk, and not far at that. What was up with this? I sat in the sand and prayed for a while, then for a break in routine, I decided to take my bride to breakfast on a pier.

I didn’t feel like hitting the books hard again today because I had hit a bit of a wall. My study break intake these past couple weeks seems to be mounting up on wings like a buzzard within me. It’s been hard stuff to process and begin to think of routes for implementation. Only one chapter of “Unchristian” was scaled on this somewhat heavy June day. I read out of Acts 18 and thought slowly about my past year and a half at Cumberland (vs. 11). Have I creatively taught the Word for depth, or have I so prioritized relevance and filled seats only to gain cursory success? Do I lead and teach to transform lifestyles and consequently culture? Do I cave to the superficiality of culture and thereby discredit the heart and purpose of Jesus? If my tombstone were put in place today, what would I have really been remembered for? These were difficult conversations bouncing around in my head. Heavy. Weird. Maybe just way too much sun. Maybe I'm staying up too late writing these blogs...

Mike Foster writes (in “Unchristian”), “Someone is sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago. May you and I today begin to plant a new way of living, loving, and serving…”

I’ve taken in a lot through “Think Like Jesus,” “A Contrarians Guide to Knowing God,” “The Culturally Savvy Christian,”… and halfway through “Unchristian.” The Church is at a crux… an intersection… nothing short of an emergency. Does this make me an alarmist or realist?

There’s much to be done, dealt with, and relentlessly refused denial. I’m challenged and want to keep going. I think I planted some trees along the way in my first twenty years of ministry. I anxiously want to plant a new tree, but I just need to catch my breath so I can endure my final twenty.

I’ll hit it hard again tomorrow… I'm sure.